Autism and Leukemia

Another slow day here in Stanford. We come to look forward to the days where our biggest concern is entertaining Jillian rather than any other type of procedure. Thank heavens for slow days! Since we didn’t have a very productive day and there’s not a lot to report on Jillian’s treatment I thought I would take this time to talk about Leukemia and Autism. I have always been the type of person that believes that things happen for a reason. I tell myself on a daily basis that God only give you what you can handle. If that’s the case then God thinks I can handle a hurricane inside a tornado! When my son, William was 3 he was diagnosed with Autism. When we got the diagnosis it felt like the world had ended for him. I went through a bought of self pity and “why me”. It takes a while to get out of that frame of mind when your child is developmentally delayed. You have this vision of him being “that” child at school and wondering if he will ever live a normal life. I am constantly preparing myself for the possibility that William will be with us for the rest of his life. Even though it would be amazing to always have him, our dream is for him to be independent, get married one day, have kids and be happy. William is 6 now and is still non verbal. If you knew William you would know that he sees nothing wrong or different about himself. He is this happy, loving amazing child. He loves everyone he knows and gives hugs to show it. He’s disciplined and well behaved because we feel that having Autism is not an excuse for bad behavior. He loves school and loves to learn. Just by looking at him you would never know that he was developmentally delayed. People often tell me that William “does not look Autistic” it makes me laugh because no one knows what an Autistic child looks like. You couldn’t point him out of a line up (but given a few minutes to watch their behaviors, us Autistic mothers could pick the Autistic child out from a football field away!) I believe that Autism has prepared me for Leukemia. It has taught me how to be “that” mother. The one who asks the million questions and wants copies of EVERYTHING. The one that the nurses don’t worry about because they know their patient will be getting their meds at the right time. The one that can hold back the tears (most of the time) to make sure they are getting all the information the doctors are telling them. Autism has allowed me to know what it is like to have the child that may not be “perfect” in society’s eyes. I feel that everything that I have done with my life and everything that I have learned has been in preparation to be the mother who helps save their child’s life. I have sat through IEPs, school meeting, regional center meetings, speech therapies and behavioral services. I know how to treat Autism and what is best for my son. Now it is time for me to sit through doctor visits, chemotherapy, treatment plans, long hospital stays and time away from home. I will soon be as knowledgeable in Leukemia as I am in Autism. God chose my husband I to be blessed with these children who need a little more care. People often say that I am this strong woman and they don’t know how I handle this stuff. Truth is, is that I have no freaking choice. Would I have chosen this life for myself? Heck no! I would not have wanted my children to have Autism and Leukemia, but I wouldn’t change them for anything. I may look strong but if you could see what’s going on in the inside you would know I’m a mess and I’m barely hanging on here! But this is my life and it is fine. Not only do we get to support Autism with Autism walks and such but we will also get to support Leukemia! Jillian will survive this and in the end when William is older and doesn’t stop talking, we will look back on this time as the days that Jillian HAD Leukemia.